ANDREA'S PASSING

My friend, Andrea Fisher passed away on Saturday, May 1st shortly after 5:00 pm. She was surrounded by her family and the family's pastor, Keith Potter.

Her final moments, I think, were as peaceful as possible given her advanced condition. The weeks leading up to the final days were not comfortable for Andrea. Once the doctors advised her nothing more could be done and Andrea decided to no longer fight, the chemo treatments that kept the cancer at bay were stopped.

It was difficult to see how quickly the cancer took over Andrea's body. The pain she had always dealt with became more difficult to manage every day. And during her last days, Andrea was mostly asleep, almost comatose, deeply sedated.

Although the final weeks of Andrea's life were difficult for all of us, we were all so deeply touched by the incredible impression she had in each of our lives. I have already mentioned in previous posts how unconditionally she had always loved me, how she had always accepted who I was even in the moments when I could not accept myself.

We each, I believe, had time to reflect on how Andrea had touched our lives as we sat and talked with her and, in the final days, sat quietly by her side as she slept. Andrea's life was and has always been a gift to me. I realized that fact soon after I met her while in college.

The final weeks of her life confirmed to everyone who knew her just how much she had touched each of our lives. We all struggled with the anticipation of her passing and carried our grief with us wherever we went, but we also talked of our love for her and her family and how she had deeply influenced our lives.

It is a wonderful thing, a fitting tribute, to share a common love and appreciation for someone, to know and recognize how better our lives are by having known Andrea. She changed our lives and made them better. And the discussion we shared and the sadness and the gratefulness were, really, Andrea's last gift to us.

She is survived by her husband, Steve, her oldest son, Ryan, her daughter, Katelyn, and her youngest boy, Miles, her loving parents, Mary and Al, and a large group family and friends.

In many small but wonderful ways, I, as I am sure with everyone else, carry Andrea's spirit closely. She is often with me throughout my day and most especially when I am training. There are moments on my long rides or long runs that I find comfort in remembering her influence in my life, a short conversation we had, her laugh or, even better, her laughing at me. Often, I have a short cry, say her name, have a moment and find a way to be grateful for all that she was.

My training since Andrea's passing has been spotty, at best. Shortly after her passing, my heart to focus and train just wasn't there. Although I have taken inspiration from her life, I really could not find a way to concentrated and honest effort.

I have, however, been able to put together a solid block of training over the past few weeks and am feeling better on the bike and the run. I am in the last build up before my Ironman taper and anticipate three more 100+ mile rides and a few double run days before the race. I am looking forward to them and, for the first time in a while, have found a mental focus and excitement for training.

Updating this blog has been difficult as well. I had started and stopped this post several times over the past two months, but just could not find a way to finish it. I am hoping that the post gives honor to Andrea's life in some small way.

I do know this: Much of what I know about the good things in this life have much to do with my experiences with Andrea and her friendship and love. My life has been better because of her. And it is for this reason, that I must always strive to find a meaningfulness in this life. It is the best way in which I can honor her memory.

ANDREA FISHER UPDATE

On behalf of the Fisher family, I want to thank everyone who has sent words of love and support for Andrea and the family during this very difficult and challenging time. Your prayers have meant very much to everyone.

Sadly, Andrea's condition has taken an unfortunate turn. Shortly after the last round of chemo and radiation, Andrea's doctors performed a scan to see how she had responded to the last round of treatment.

Unfortunately, the scan revealed several new tumors in separate parts of her body, including her liver. These new tumors had grown in a very short period of time and during her chemo. Shortly thereafter, doctors let Steve and Andrea know the cancer was pervasive and that the prospect of it being cured was no longer possible. They advised them to discuss the situation with their three children and to begin getting Andrea's affairs in order.

This latest news has confirmed a reality everyone has feared. It is heartbreaking.

There is no clear expectation of how things will progress and the family is taking things day by day. Her parents, Al and Mary, have come to stay with Andrea and to support the family.

Andrea's comfort is the priority now. She is tired and often cold and in pain. She is taking oral chemo and other drugs that often make her drowsy. We have all had the chance to visit with her and she is as beautiful and kind as always.

The grace and thoughtful dignity she brought to our lives when healthy has never been more evident than now in her moment of fading strength. She is still managing her family, choosing outfits for her daughter, Katy-girl, encouraging her eldest son, Ryan, to finish his homework and loving her youngest son, Miles, with the same gentleness and open heart.

I have written in this blog that although her husband, Steve, has and always will be my very best friend, Andrea has, in fact, become just as important and meaningful in my life. She has supported and loved me through my darkest hours without question or judgment and has loved my daughter, Keats, like her own.

I have tried for weeks to avoid writing this update knowing it would bring up the emotions I have tried so long to avoid. As I write this, I am realizing that my lingering cold, my lack of motivation to train, my overall dullness and need to seek distraction are all related to avoidance: my denial of what I now must learn to accept.

A life without Andrea.

She is not gone yet and there is still time to spend with her. Her friends all privately grieve for her and are, like me, trying to make sense of the world. We are all sad and, I am sure, have moments of deep sobbing. This, I think, is further testament to the impact Andrea has had on so many lives.

Yeats once wrote:

Think where man's glory most begins and ends,
and say my glory was I had such friends.

More specifically, I think, we can all try to find some small comfort in sharing our lives with Andrea and for being loved by her in so many ways.

Your continued prayers and good thoughts are important. Please continue to carry Andrea in your heart as she needs support more than ever.

BACK FROM ILLNESS

I have not been able to blog these past four weeks because I have been fighting one of the worst viruses I have ever had. What started off as a simple cold turned into a snot-knocker that had me down for two weeks and now, four weeks later, I am still fighting it.

I have not been able to train at all and am still at 80-85%. My training and race calendar need to be re-adjusted to account for my time lost in the base building phase. Wildflower Long Course is, unfortunately, out. It's not a race you can fake and will do longer term damage to my fitness and mental preparation.

I basically have to start my training cycle from scratch and I doubt that any of my early season training and fitness will be there when I begin again. It's unfortunate, but it is part of the lesson.

When I first got sick at the end of February I really should have slowed down and listened to my body. Instead, I was too impatient and started to train again after only a few days of resting. The body never lies. It always comes down to whether I want to put aside my ego and listen to what my body is telling me.

I always lose when I don't.

And I'm paying for it now.

After meeting with my coach, Muddy, we decided that we would wait until I felt 100% to get focused again. I am looking at getting things started next week.

The good news is that it is still very early in the year and I still have an opportunity to get solid training in before IMW.

ANDREA FISHER UPDATE

It's been a while since I have updated Andrea Fisher's cancer treatment.

After her last surgery, Andrea was prescribed an aggressive round of radiation and continued chemotherapy. Her team of doctors planned for four weeks of both radiation and chemo, then run tests to see where things are.

Yesterday was Andrea's last round of both radiation and chemo. Treatment is always difficult for her as it leaves her feeling exhausted, physically drained and sore. It's a long week of recovery only to get treatment and fall back into the difficulties of the aftermath.

Having completed treatment, it will be good for Andrea to have a chance to get back into the rhythm of life and family. She has been receiving weekly treatments for several months now and the time away from the hospital will be good for her.

Chemo treatment is a strange and deliberate process that often lasts an entire day. Patients receiving treatment spend a great portion of the day sitting quietly, waiting for their various bags of medicine to slowly drip into their veins through i.v. tubes.

The hours move slowly and, I am sure, it is time for them to reflect and ponder the why and how. I have been lucky to be able to change my work schedule to visit with Andrea almost every week and the time has been special for me.

In our busy lives we rarely have moments of clear perspective and understanding. And my afternoons with Andrea and other visiting friends has reminded me how lucky I am to have Andrea as a friend. As much as she is going through, seeing Andrea manage the everyday of her life, her kids' schedules, her thoughtfulness towards others and her positive and open heart is a gift that I need to always honor.

Although some might think my visits with Andrea have been about my support of her, it actually is more about her support of me and my faith in the importance of this life and the goodness and gratitude that I must always remind myself of; that I so often take for granted.

As much as this last round of radiation and chemo seem like a promising end to a long and difficult journey, there is still some uncertainty as to whether the cancer will be in remission. We are all hopeful for a positive outcome, but there still remains a shadow of uncertainty that is difficult to manage.

The doctors plan to run more tests and scans to see how treatment has gone. Andrea is hopeful and in good spirits but also thoughtful and considerate of all that lies ahead.

She and her family wanted to thank everyone for your good wishes of support and love. Your positive energy is important and meaningful and makes a difference.

SNOWBOARDING AND FIGHTING A COLD

It's been quite a while since I have logged in for an update. My apologies, but after my epic Mt. Hamilton climb, my family packed our bags and headed to Truckee/Tahoe for my daughter Keats' winter break for a week of skiing at Northstar.

It was a fantastic week with my family. Keats tried snowboarding for the first time and had a blast and some challenges. After an all day lesson, she boarded the rest of the week with Meena and I.

We charged for three days and Keats had the opportunity to meet up with some friends. The weather was amazing and the previous month of snowstorms made for a great base of snow. Daily temperatures averaged 55 degrees and Sun. We ended up shedding our jackets every day and boarded in our base layers. Unbelievable.

After three full days of good quality boarding, we were all pretty wiped out. Meena and Keats wanted to sleep in on the fourth day and play the day by ear. They ended up sleeping for 11 hours! We decided to hang out and spend the day in Tahoe City and Truckee.

Some of the best memories I have are of my winter breaks with my family and friends. I am hoping it has the same impression on Keats. She's at the age where the social world is opening up for her and friends are becoming very, very important. I am grateful she had the opportunity to spend it with her friends.

After coming home, we all ended up getting sick. I have been fighting a cold for the past week and have not been able to train at all.

I did head out yesterday for a quick 30 minute run. Although it was short, it was good to finally get my aerobic engine working again. I am feeling good enough to get things started again tomorrow.

I am a little stressed about Wildflower. It is only two months away and getting sick after a week of non-specific activity has set me back, I am sure.

I have to move forward nonetheless and just concentrate on what I need to do to get ready for Wildflower.

At the core of it, this challenge is what triathlon is all about. Facing adversity and challenge, adapting and overcoming what obstacles or doubts exist. Pushing through and believing in yourself. All good things when put in that perspective.

It is a good challenge that I will try to manage as best as possible.

A GREAT DAY ON MT. HAMILTON

I was fortunate to have one of the best experiences I have had training in a long time. It was also one of the toughest I have faced ever.

Almost every Saturday, my coach, Muddy, organizes and oversees a group ride for his athletes. We often meet at a designated place and head out for a solid group ride. Muddy will always follow with his vespa to make sure we are all okay and also to coach us as we ride. It's really an incredible thing he does and is characteristic of how much he cares for all of us.

This past Saturday, we met at his house in downtown San Jose and rode together to Mount Hamilton Road. It's a legendary climb in the San Jose area and consists of a 20 mile climb that summits at the Lick Observatory.

Although we started as a group of 10, the group quickly splintered. I fell off the pace pretty quickly, but I felt good throughout the first 2/3 of the climb. I was riding closely with my friend, Reyna, but she pulled away during the last 7 mile segment.

I was super focused on finishing and, although my legs and back were KILLING me, I kept thinking I couldn't quit. I thought of Andrea Fisher each time I slowed or cracked a little and knew there was no way I was going to not summit the climb. Andrea doesn't have a choice and neither should I.

The pack waited at the observatory and were able to shout down to me during the last 1/2 mile of the climb. I was totally cooked by then, but it felt great to get the support and to take in the view after I finished!

Honestly, the ride down was even gnarlier! Wet asphalt, rocks, potholes and long drop-offs. I took my time and actually really enjoyed the cruise. Of course, the rest of the group blazed down with no problem and really hammered it back to Muddy's.

After our ride, Muddy and his wife, Barbara, opened their home and barbecued lunch for everyone. Unfortunately, I had to leave early and couldn't stay for lunch. It would have been great to hang out with everyone and talk story, but I was lucky enough to hang out with the Fishers, who took me to Avatar in 3D for my birthday.

All in all, it was a great day and a huge investment in my early season base training.

TRAINING UPDATE WEEK 4 & 5

I have been remiss in my training updates over the past 1.5 weeks but am glad to report that training has gone very well.

We have been dealing with some heavy rain and cold weather, which is something that has been a bit unusual for us over the past few years. We get rain and actual rain storms, but it seems that this year has been excessively heavy.

Training has been good nonetheless. I have been able to string together strong workout sessions in each discipline and am feeling stronger and more focused each day.

The highlights for each sport:

Swim: I have been averaging at least 3000 yards per swim. I'm feeling stronger and have focused on longer endurance sets. I have concentrated distance per stroke and form and have found myself feeling much more comfortable in the water.

Bike: My leg strength and overall base endurance has been improving. Although the weather has been a challenge, I have spent some lengthy time on the indoor turbo trainer. My coach, Muddy, holds two turbo training sessions a week at a local bike store and really works to build our aerobic engine. I have also been able to get some longer rides on the road when the weather is good.

Run: The past few weeks have been a steady build with my longest run at 2 hrs. I am focusing on very easy aerobic runs to build strength and aerobic fitness. This past Sunday, I ran the Kaiser Permanente Half Marathon in San Francisco. It's the first race of the year and a great start to the season. I have a ton of friends racing and it's great to see everyone during the race. Fast or slow, it's always nice to see your friends. I ran a 1:45:47 and was very happy with the time, though I can't seem to break 1:45 to save my life.

I am feeling and looking fitter by the day. My weight is still hovering around 195-197 lbs, but I am feeling much better than I was at the start of my training cycle.

I am still trying to make good eating choices and have really stayed away from fried foods and overeating. I did have Happy Hound for my birthday and also Burger Meister for my post Kaiser Permanente Half meal. It was worth it, but only for a treat.

That's all for now.